I attempt to tell the future.

We are almost halfway through the 2020s.

That’s quite the statement, especially considering that the first half hasn’t exactly gone swimmingly. So, what do we have to look forward to in the second half?

As we all well know now, the futures electric – the roads will soon hiss with EVs. How soon, however, we don’t know.

We do, nevertheless, have a vague idea of what to expect cars-wise next year. BMW appear to be continuing to ruin their car’s aesthetics, with the new iX3 expected some point next year, as a part of Beamer’s “Neue Klasse” of electric cars. One new feature on offer appears to be that the car will now have its own sense of smell, because what other reason could possibly justify the nostrils that sit where the grille once was? It seems that their designers have gone, well, what they’d call übergeschnappt. It is rather horrible to look at.

Honda are making a smallish SUV called the Passport, where the only things interesting about it is the V6 they’re putting in it, and the fact that they’ve named it after a legal document. In 2026 they’ll probably reveal the Honda Cease and Desist, followed by the Honda Affidavit.

Alpine are back and are releasing a souped-up version of Renault’s new 5, and I have nothing more to say than it looks unfortunate,

Range Rover are releasing an electric version of a Range Rover. Wow. How deathly interesting.

I’m losing your interest here aren’t I.

Ooh. There will be a new Charger, with Dodge offering both electric and dinosaur powered versions, where the latter will have a twin-turbo inline-six with 420 or 550 horses. I assume it will look like a charger. They normally look quite good.

Probably the most interesting thing coming out next year (maybe) is a new Bugatti. Bugatti and Rimac have joined forces for their next car, so I assume it will rip your face off as soon as you step into it, and then reach Mach 1 in about 2 seconds. Sensational.

It will be hybrid, and that’s about all we know about it as of now.

As for other cars coming out in the next 12 months, they do all seem rather dull. Oh, and there will be whatever Jag spew up. Don’t think anyone particularly cares about that.

So, nobody really knows what the next half of the 2020s will hold. What we do know is, it will be unlikely that we will be entering it in style, if next years car releases are anything to go by. So that’s a happy thought.

I do hope cars become exciting again soon. If not I’ll be soon out of a job.